Sixteen Candles (A Birthday in Heaven)

  As I sit here writing this I cannot tell you how heavy my heart is. Words can't really describe how I am feeling, this is the best I can do, It feels like a thousand pound brick weighing me down . But it's normal for this time of year. The month of May has many wonderful things this year. Please don't get me wrong. Joshua is getting married, I get another sister! That is wonderful, it really is!

  But also the month of May brings a large amount of  tears. This month we have a very special Birthday for a very special boy. Jacob's 16th Birthday is next Friday. It never gets easier with Birthdays. They are a hard reminder that, again we will not be celebrating with him here on earth. May 20th, 2014 was the last Birthday we would celebrate with him for a very long time. Extremely hard truth.

  I can't even put into words how painful it is on his Birthday each year. Birthdays are supposed to be a happy time for celebrating someone's birth. We do celebrate, we get a chocolate cake each year, Jacob's favorite. But when we light the candles it is excruciating. We watch as the candles dance, and all goes silent. I know my family is thinking the same thing I am, "He should be here to blow out these candles." But he isn't. "He should be here to open all these gifts" But he isn't. It is a hard reminder but a beautiful one.

  When Jacob passed away he left us with a very large amount of unopened Lego boxes, from people who graciously donated them when he was in the hospital going through Chemo. He loved Legos I mean, seriously I have never met anyone who has loved Legos more then that kid did. When he wasn't aloud to leave his tiny hospital room Legos were what kept him busy.  It would drive me so crazy when I would go up to the hospital to visit him for the weekend and all he wanted to do was build Legos. He would say something like "Oh come on Hannah I thought you like being creative, well this is creative." And in the end he always won. We would build Legos until I was sure my fingers were beginning to fall off.

Last year for Jacob's 15th Birthday we started a tradition. We build one of Jacob's Lego sets each year on his Birthday now. As a reminder of the boy who loved Legos! Whenever we do this, oh my goodness we have the best time! I can't explain it but every time we build his Legos it's like he is there with us. Maybe he is.

Last night I was reading from Revelation and a thought crossed my mind. What would a Birthday in heaven be like? Well I can say one thing, it is a thousand times better than down here. I don't think we can ever fully comprehend what it would be like. Seeing Jesus and hearing Him say "Happy Birthday my beloved".  Wow! How amazing is that? And guess what!? One day we will get to hear Him say that!

Happy Birthday Jacob I miss you everyday
Mahal Kita...I love you!

Hannah